What exactly is Britney back FROM?

Britney lovers, don’t get mad at me, but I’m about to post a little critique of Ms. Spears for a post. I have one very popular Britney post where I lauded her comeback a few years ago when she released “Womanizer” before her album Circus came out. And yes, I do possess her Femme Fatale album (not that I understand why it’s named that, unless it’s just to signify that most of the songs are about sex).

But okay, this cover comes out and….how do I say this? It doesn’t look like her. It looks like a Photoshopped/plastic surgery version of herself. Does anyone else see this? Like, what’s going on with her chin? It’s jutting out. I think the eyes and hair are the same and I do love whatever white thing she’s wearing that is indistinguishable from the white of the cover but….Who is that? She’s done so many photo shoots where she doesn’t look completely different from one side to the other like this.

The next question is….what are you back from, Britney? With your figure? Isn’t that old news? She’s not singing live, as we all know. She still loves her some lip synching. It’s not dancing, since she can’t or doesn’t dance and gyrate nearly to the extent that she used to – like, at all.

So…back from what, exactly? Motherhood? Rehab? The mental asylum? I really don’t know.

Since I just did an album review, I won’t say much on Femme Fatale except that as I relayed to a friend of mine, it sounds rather “Britney Lite.” It’s got some great beats and I listened to it quite a bit and sure, I like it just fine. It’s no Born This Way but that’s okay. Am I going to shell out $150 or more to go see her in “concert,” though? No ma’am.

All I can say is that Britney looks pretty but there’s nothing remarkable about this cover except for the fact that whoever sliced her in real life or in Photoshop made her look like every other blonde Hollywood actress out there on the cover of a magazine.

Meh.

Signs I’m Over 30

The things we take for granted, right? I know “30 is the new 20” but I didn’t worry about this stuff when I was 20. When I was ten years younger, I thought being 30 sounded so old and that I’d have all of my relative shit together. Joke’s on me.

Feel free to add to my list!

1. I have to use an eyebrow pencil now to fill in the gaps on my formerly lush eyebrows. They can now officially be called wispy.

2. Losing weight takes twice as long.

3. I wear flats now. From the ages of 18-29, I only cared about wearing heels/chunky shoes.

4. The skin smoothing feature in Photoshop is my new best friend.

5. I have a whole decade to worry about when the other shoe is going to drop and I’ll start sprouting gray hairs.

6. Owning real estate is now firmly planted in my goals and dreams. (I’m only 20 years late to the Lucy van Pelt party on that one.)

7. I think about whether I’m getting in enough nutrients from the food I consume. When I was slurping down full sugar Pepsi and working on my feet all day in retail in my late teens, I clearly did not worry about this concept or the fact that a lifetime of that habit could contribute to osteoporosis. Speaking of which….

8. I think about “women’s issues” like osteoporosis. Oh, and articles written in the New York Times about how a sedentary lifestyle is the #1 contributing factor to getting heart disease haunt me.

9. I assumed that if by age 25 I didn’t need glasses, I never would. I still don’t wear glasses or contacts but as I don’t go a single day without staring at a computer screen, it feels like it’s inevitable.

10. How much gas mileage my car and any of my future cars gets is extremely important to me.

11. I actually wonder about my “carbon footprint.”

12. Something that makes my day is Free Shipping.

13. I bitch about the guy who owns the car on my street whose muffler (or lack thereof) is disturbing-the-peace loud. And I bitch about it in person and on Facebook.

14. Talking about the weather is a daily occurrence amongst my friends, loved ones, and peers – local or not.

15. Clothes from Talbots and Ann Taylor appeal to me now. Perhaps Casual Corner is next. Will I one day wake up and find long, baggy, button-down cardigans attractive? Or want to drive a Buick?

16. Two words: eye cream.

Disclaimer: I do not have children (yet) or I would probably have something about motherhood in here. For those who were mothers by the time they were 30, please chime in with any nuggets of your own!