Let’s focus on what’s important: Britney’s comeback

There are a handful of things dominating people’s thoughts in America right now, such as the election, the economy….and Britney Spears’ comeback. Yes, it’s true.

If you’re like me and don’t have a radio handy, you’d have read about it before you heard it. It’s called Womanizer. And, if you’re also like me in the fact that despite yourself you see if the song is any good or not, you were able to hear it and/or download it for free and/or just went ahead and paid the .99 cents on iTunes or wherever else.

The thing is, it’s catchy. I don’t know if it’s as good as my remix version of Gimme More, which I’ve played a few hundred times (okay fine, I made a ringtone out of it, too) but it’s still fun on a very base level. Can someone please find a better opening to a song than, “It’s Britney bitch”? I propose you cannot. But this time around, she’s gone back to acting in a dominatrix kinda way.

One could even go so far as to call the video “Toxic 2.” If you didn’t see the video for Toxic, I have no idea what rock you lived under back in 2004. I was abroad in Paris at the time it hit its peak and Parisians were just as obsessed with it as Americans. All my guy friends immensely enjoyed seeing her in her nude skin suit adorned with sparkly stuff in all the appropriate places.

Womanizer shows her stark naked in a steam room, oiled up to perfection. I’m only the twenty-nine billionth blog to report on this. What’s that? You haven’t managed to see it yet? Here (double click on it to get it to open in a new window or if it keeps saying it’s unavailable paste this into your browser http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbvadq2hY0s:

If Dana Carvey were still on SNL, we could expect a fantastic skit about the salaciousness of that video from Church Lady. But is anybody actually really protesting Womanizer’s existence? Being a divorcee with two children, Britney hardly has to worry about being an aspiring role model. She has more freedom now to do whatever the hell she wants than she ever did. It’s like when Madonna put out her Sex book. There was a bit of an uproar at first but for the most part, people were like, “Yeah, so?” Does anybody even talk about that book when they talk about Madonna? No. Someone’s all, “Remember that?” and people either go, “Oh yeah…” or “Not really but whatevs.”

But back to the video. Who wouldn’t want to look that good while writhing around naked like that? The other scenes depict her yanking some guy around by his tie (I guess it could be a phallic symbol) and having her way with him at the office, in a restaurant, in a limo, at home…I guess it all culminates at the spa or in the shower or something wet like that.

There’s no real “plotline” driving the video. We’re just taken back to classic Britney parading around in as little as she can get away with, seducing us with her electronically enhanced vocals and other girlie parts. Hey, it’s a formula and it works. She’s back in shape again, effectively helping to eradicate our memories of the 2007 VMAs.

I think most intelligent people get that as much as Britney preaches about her being able to spot a love-’em-and-leave-’em player and she’s going to take the wheel in THIS clandestine “relationship”, thank you very much, her real life is nothing like that. She lost control of her kids, has outstanding driving incidents to clean up and her mental stability is still TBD.

Remember the rumor that she was bipolar? That got hushed up super quick, didn’t it? I don’t think we need to go so far as to socially diganose her as bipolar but who wouldn’t have a mental breakdown after living a life as she’s led for over a decade? I think anybody would crack and shave their head. By the way, favorite line of the song? “You say I’m crazy….I got your crazy…” Doesn’t that say it all?

Is it more normal to rise to superstardom at 15, get married to a Vanilla Ice wannabe and have two children in rapid succession (and then a divorce almost immediately after) or have one’s first child at the tender age of 16, as did her younger sister? Good job, Lynne Spears.

The breakdown moment.

I digress.

Britney’s doing what any other star who’s had a major (and I mean, major) downfall in the eyes of the world – she’s picking herself back up and doing what she’s always done best. Even if her best is just dishing out halfassed written songs and the real miracle is the production team who makes her sound like she’s “singing,” it grabs hold of a large part of the population. And she’s making millions off of it. Not many people can make that kind of money regularly, much less a “comeback.”

Diehard fans are creaming their pants at her return (and people, she’s only 26, we have at least three more comebacks to endure), anticipating with foaming mouths her next album Circus. I won’t even tease with a possible concert tour <gasp>.

Then there are people like me. Just regular old gals who aren’t strongly for or against her. I don’t loathe her like I do Paris Hilton, which I’m aware is bizarre and contradictory. I download the song anyway and nod my head and sing along. I watch the video with eyebrows raised. I realize my dollar contributes to her millions. But I can’t do more than just shrug my shoulders about it. I get a catchy song out of the deal to listen to while I go to work in the mornings. Hell, my roommate and I just watched it twice over the weekend. I’m just saying.

Hey, in a time when the country is quite literally falling apart around us, it’s nice to have something to distract us. Perhaps Britney should be hailed as a political hero for keeping our brains occupied for three minutes and forty-three seconds and off of gagalicious Sarah Palin. At least Britney has a catchy beat…and of course her goodies out there for all to ogle at.

That’s right, I ended on a preposition. It’s Zoe, bitch.

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Comments

  1. I love you

Trackbacks

  1. […] get mad at me, but I’m about to post a little critique of Ms. Spears for a post. I have one very popular Britney post where I lauded her comeback a few years ago when she released “Womanizer” before her […]

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