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Revisiting Midwestern Thunderstorms

August 21, 2010 by zoesays

As it always happens, I want to post a topic when I haven’t given the proper update that should precede it.

I updated my A Little Extra On the Author page, but I did not write a full story describing how I have moved back to the Midwest (Illinois, incidentally) just recently. It’s been almost a decade (a decade!) since I’ve lived in this vast region of our country, comprised of what most people call the “flyover states.” Knowing myself very well, I will probably take one or two aspects and feature them in a future post, much like I did my grocery post when I lived in New York. But since I want to write about thunderstorms, I must keep this brief and say that I am now living in Illinois and we are currently experiencing a full-on thunderstorm, something that was not nearly as frequent in New York, sadly.

I don’t know if it was the city’s tall buildings or the area but thunderstorms are in a class of their own in the Midwest. Granted, they can be more dangerous here because they can also lead to or derive from tornadoes but when it’s just the thunder, lightning and rain, they can be one of the most soothing events to listen to and witness from a warm, dry spot. (Or cool, if it’s humid up to your eyeballs, which is also frequent here.)

Tonight as we were relaxing, the lightning started up and sure enough, seconds later, the thunder started rolling over our house. The weather report says we can expect these to occur all night. I don’t know why it’s not remotely frightening or concerning; after all, I have personally had a few electronics die at lightning’s hand. But the sound of the thunder and the rain hitting the window panes just makes me feel cozy inside.

I know I’m not the only one – I’m not an anomaly here – or there wouldn’t be endless thunderstorm sounds to purchase.

Truly, one can experience a thunderstorm in the Midwest greater than in dense populations because you can see it and feel it in a way that you cannot when you are surrounded by incredible, statuesque buildings that block the skyline.  Not having lived in these middle states for almost a third of my life now (wow…), I’m rediscovering them and my delight at their presence.

While I can admit this isn’t the most exciting post one will ever read or write, I hope that a handful of readers can relate. Knowing that it’s supposed to rain all day tomorrow (with possible thunder and lightning!) makes me feel toasty inside as I think about putzing around the house and doing all sorts of cozy indoor projects. Thunderstorms also induce one hell of a great nap, if you didn’t know.

If you’re fortunate enough to experience these wonders of nature and have some time on your hands, just listen and/or watch the next time one happens. They make me pensive, they soothe with their cacophonic sounds (although really they’re more symphonic), and as I have stated, they are soporific.

I think I will sleep well tonight.

(As I finished this post, a huge clap of thunder rocked our house and I felt it under my seat. Someone’s car alarm is going off! Bliss….)

Posted in Deeper, Occurrences | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

OMFG or….I Am A Winner

July 3, 2010 by zoesays

This JUST in.

Folks, this is going to be short and sweet, because I can’t contain my excitement for very long (it inhibits my attention span).

I am one of only three winners (out of almost 20,000 applicants) of a beautiful, glossy, candy apple red Kitchen Aid stand mixer from The Pioneer Woman’s cooking blog, Tasty Kitchen. <~~~ Click that link to see my name posted as one of the winners. I comment at the bottom with the lemon chicken recipe I mention!

I have ALWAYS wanted one of these for my very own! It feels so serendipitous that I won because I just happened to check the site to see what was new and there was this contest, which happened to fall on my best friend’s birthday. (My best friend Helen has awesome winning karma.)

I have said “Oh my GOD” about 200 times, I have done the chair dance, I have called my parents….You’d think I was getting a check from Publishers Clearing House.

My gratification knows no bounds! This is what Tiny Tim must have felt like in A Christmas Carol. God bless us, everyone!

Posted in Occurrences | 3 Comments »

Arbitrary Musings on a Hot Summer Day

June 26, 2010 by zoesays

It is hot as crap outside. Summer is officially here.

Actually, today is only 88 but the 90s have come and gone and are only a day or two away from happening again. I’m finding that there are those people in New York City who love how hot it gets here in the summertime. I am baffled by them. The streets hold in the heat, feeling like you have an invisible electric blanket shrouding you everywhere you go, even in (and sometimes especially) on the subway platform. (How did people live here before air-conditioned subway cars?)

In the past two weeks, I have only been able to wear my hair down once. And not because it was cool enough to do so. The high was only going to be 86 yesterday and I determinedly blow dried my hair and put a touch of anti-frizz silk stuff on the crown of my head to keep my hair from making me look like an unkempt 7 year-old the second I stepped foot outside of my un-airconditioned bedroom. Usually I can’t stand the thought of having long hair cover my nape while I am trying to keep cool to and from work so I think screw it, and I put my hair up wet in a makeshift bun. (I have yet to learn how to give myself a French braid but am hoping to get a lesson very soon.) Having my hair up everyday is not the most stylish thing to do but when it comes to being sticky and uncomfortable, I always end up choosing comfort over style. The picture you see here is how I look pretty much everyday in the summer at work. Hell, it’s how I look right now, minus the mascara and earrings.

If you haven’t already been able to tell, I am very fair-skinned and I do not have a high tolerance for heat…or direct sunlight, for that matter. My boyfriend despises the heat more than I do, and if I had any doubts as to his tolerance for temperatures above 78 degrees, I had only to look to the dog that he came with. I present to you below Lucas, an Alaskan Malamute/Husky mix.

This is a dog who eats ice like popcorn and bathes in snow.

The three of us go into either the living room or the bedroom, switch on an air conditioner and proceed to stay cool doing all the stuff we normally do at home – watch TV, get on the interwebs, sleep, etc. And so here we are, on a gorgeously hot Saturday afternoon, hanging out in the cool bedroom while I sit at my desk and the boyfriend does whatever it is he’s doing on his laptop. On Monday morning, I’ll be regaled of stories of what other folks did over the weekend besides sit next to an air conditioning unit. This is just how we roll.

And now, as if that introduction wasn’t long enough, I’ll detail the few wisps of thoughts I have had over the last week or two to share with you all. Because, you know, I should have something to say after a six month hiatus from the blog.

Enjoy these random observations from yours truly and stay cool (or hot, if that’s your preference).

1. Have you ever thought about the fact that when your phone isn’t ringing, it means that not one person on the face of the planet wants to call you? Considering the number of people, telephones and phone numbers that exist, you’d think the odds of your phone ringing at any given time would be higher.  Maybe I just don’t get that many phone calls. Hm.

2. I tried the new snack size Reese’s McFlurry from McDonald’s the other day. It melted into candy soup in about five minutes flat. However, for the 180 seconds it was semi-solid, it was absolutely delicious. There was a run on ice cream snacks when I ordered it. People were running in and shouting out ice cream orders like the streets were frying them alive. Maybe they were. Anyway, a guy ran in and ordered three or four sundaes and asked if the ice cream was soft. The server replied wryly, “Well yes, it’s soft. It’s soft serve.” The man replied, “Too soft?” The server answered, “I guess.” I suppose it’s possible that there is someone who has never gotten ice cream from McDonald’s and that every second, someone new tries it, but I’m just perplexed at anybody who doesn’t understand the consistency of fast food ice cream. It’s not even real ice cream. What do you expect for $.99?

3. Working in the summertime reminds me that working in the summertime sucks. Hard. I always think about when I had summers off as a kid up through the time I was 16, and I never really appreciated it. Actually, I was unable to find work between years in college and I enjoyed lazy days then. I could do with a solid month off, even if it was just sitting in front of my air conditioner and pondering how I have nothing to do.

4. In order of use and preference of social networking sites, it goes Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare. For those of you who don’t have Foursquare yet, I absolutely recommend trying it. You earn Mayorships and Badges the more times you check into venues. It’s become so popular that you can actually earn discounts from participating companies the more you check in to places. The novelty of earning the badges/mayorships keeps me remembering to do it. It’s kind of like a real life video game, where you earn meaningless rewards for just walking around. (I think that was the creator’s intent, actually.)

5. I hate when people ask you if the elevator is going down, when the wall indicator not only alerts you audibly, but lights up a big red down arrow – twice! The other day, I’m in the elevator in my work building going down to the lobby and it stops on the second floor (the SECOND floor), where a man on his cell phone looks up distractedly and asks, “Is this going down?” The other guy in the elevator and I stared at him incredulously before replying yes. Seriously, dude, you’re going to hold us up even further by clarifying whether the elevator is going down before you get on it? To be clear, there is a stairwell for the folks on 2. They ought to wear a blazing red A for Asshole when they need to take the elevator DOWN. Or at least have the decency to apologize when you get in. Yeah that’s right, you should be sorry. I’m not a skinny gal but even I would be taking the stairs everyday if I worked on the second floor.

6. Robyn’s new song, Dancing On My Own, (click on that link to see her video!) has taken over my life. I have listened to it obsessively and I ended up buying her album, Body Talk Pt. 1, on iTunes, because I loved it so much.  The song invokes images of Flashdance and J. Lo impersonating Jennifer Flowers in Flashdance, because if you’re like me, you’ll just want to dance and dance to the crazy awesome beats. Get you some Robyn!

Posted in Humor, Relative to NYC, Zoe Quirks | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Me Own Pretty One Day

January 15, 2010 by zoesays

An aside before I get started on this what-will-soon-be-rambling post: five months? Seriously? I need to get my act together. I vow to be a better blogstress, even if it means posting one word but getting in an update before half a year has passed. Aside over.

Happy 2010, everyone! We’re living in the future everyone has always talked about. 2000/Y2K was ten years ago (Jesus….) and we’re exactly five years away from the year that Michael J. Fox visited from Back to the Future II. Scary. Ten years ago I was 19 going on 20, living in the Midwest and working at a small office for a non-profit. I had never been to Europe or New York and had yet to go to college. I’m sorry, I’m going on a tangent here because I’m reeling from the fact that a solid decade has gone by. So much has changed and I’ve experienced so much more and yet, some things are exactly the same.

What about ourselves stays the same? Quirks, mannerisms, general likes and dislikes. For example, one thing that has always been true of me is my response to pretty things. Since I was a baby, I have gravitated toward the light, twinkly, pastel, sparkly, soft, or decorated. (I was a candy and sugar freak when I was a kid but I think it was more the response to “absorbing” the prettily colored candy or goodies in my mouth than actually needing to eat it.) Anything gorgeous is going to grab my attention – especially if it’s a beautiful shade of pink. I know. “Typical.” This transcends from the purely aesthetic to touch, taste and smell. And I really shouldn’t exclude hearing pretty sounds, because there are really beautiful sounds in our existence.

I know I’m not the only one because otherwise the pretty shit I’m into wouldn’t come at such a high price. I have an absolutely uncanny knack of finding the most expensive whatever-it-is based purely on what pleases my eye. I suppose I take it as a good thing that I have exquisite taste, if exquisite means it costs tons of money. But for someone who does not have gobs of cash, it can turn into a frustration.

A perfect example of this is when my friend Jennifer visited me last September and we went shopping at Macy’s. Generally speaking, I don’t consider Macy’s to be the creme de la creme, but they really do sell some upscale items. My friend has superb taste but she is fortunate enough to be able to indulge with her pocketbook. I own one Coach purse that I paid for with Christmas money but other than that, I simply do not make enough money and don’t have the years to be able to save up for every expensive thing that I want. Anyway. I was searching for a new purse (I still am. FML.) and she recommended I look at their Furla bags, as the one she owned was Furla and it was soft and supple and beautifully made. So off we go to the Furla area and after a solid hour of looking through the fine selection of purses (all on sale, mind you) I find the one I really want. It’s a gorgeous light shade of gray with the perfect number of pockets, zippers, adornments, etc. I don’t like super gaudy or ostentatious bags and this one was a classic beauty.

Macy’s was having a huge purse sale. Every one of them was discounted. And out of all the purses there, it was the only one priced around $500. Even with the sale and other discounts, I still would have had to pay over $300 and I just couldn’t do it. I agonized over whether to suck it up and buy it but in the end, I didn’t. I have checked multiple Furla sites and have never seen it since. It will go down as one of those lifetime opportunity bags that I passed by, but I just could not justify spending that kind of money on it, especially when I would have put it on my already loaded credit card. (But aren’t Furla bags sooo pretty? See lovely, elegant bag above.)

This is just one example of having to go without the luxury items, but it never fails. Whatever I end up liking out of an entire array of items, it will be the most expensive. Perfume, sheets, stemware, flatware, stationery, makeup, coats, shoes, picture frames, cars, furniture, knick knacks, jewelry, gadgets…anything and everything. If there is a “high end” version of it, I inevitably come across it and say, “I like this one!” and it’s the most expensive one there. It is so rare when I find something that is reasonably priced and meets the high caliber quality I also desire.  (My boyfriend is all too aware of my fondly saying, “You get what you pay for!”)

In the end it’s all about just stuff, anyway. But oooh I still yearn for some things I really hope to get my hands on someday, be it cashmere or crystal. I cannot tell you how many times I have stopped to admire a bakery window or pastry shop because they have prettily decorated cakes and things sitting on display. (My current banner exemplifies this nicely.) If something is pastel, I PINE for it. Pink, yellow, violet, green and white, these are my favorite things. I love pretty shit!!! (I’m positive Oprah would agree with me. She just can’t say shit on TV.)

My dear, patient, loving Kevin shakes his head and knows all too well about my penchant for quality things; because, inevitably, the pretty thing I want will be unattainable. What can I say? I have a good eye. I want what I want, like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally. What does this mean for me?

I really need to make a lot more money. Like, a lot a lot.

Posted in Zoe Quirks | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Victims of Cold Calling

August 16, 2009 by zoesays

We’ve all heard about horrid sales jobs where one has to cold call businesses throughout the entire work day just to try to generate new clientele. But do we ever hear from the victims of said cold calls? I’d like to give the Administrative Assistant’s point of view on this one, if I may. Well – it is my blog – so I think I’m entitled.

We are the first (and sometimes second) line of defense against sales people calling to talk to our bosses, the “decision makers.” I am here to state that what we have to put up with over the phone is absolutely atrocious. I have two bosses and every other week I am assisting with answering the firm’s phone lines. Both invite all manner of sales people calling throughout the day and are equally enervating.

Zoe Working

This is how I look when fielding the sales calls.

Very rarely do I get a saleswoman that is as pushy as the least of the annoying salesmen out there. The saleswomen call about office supplies, copiers and copy toner, recruiting and HR. Your basics. The salesmen call about personal wealth management, recruiting, real estate, utilities, magazines/newspaper subscriptions and sometimes want to get a quote from my head boss guy on something related to his field.

I don’t know what “school” people go to to learn Sales Calls 101 but I can attest that they are all the same. Screw it, I’m just going to flat out say it: the men are the worst of the two sexes. I have yet to encounter a female sales person who attempts to be a quarter slick-as-snot as their male counterparts.

The following are all attributes of a typical sales call on any given business day:

  • Pretending to know my boss(es) on a first-name basis, often shortening my male boss’s name (instant giveaway)
  • Will not give his/her name or describe what the call is in reference to
  • Faking having a supremely busy day and thus needs a SPECIFIC time to call back, to make sure my boss is available
  • Try to get to know me personally, asking for my name and how I’m doing today, cajoling me into parting with whatever gem they need to advance to the next step of “the transaction”
  • Give up mid-call to ask for anyone who they could talk to besides me, and upon my saying I will transfer him/her, I get asked what the name and/or extension is of the person to whom I’m transferring the call
  • Becoming argumentative when I absolutely insist that I have a name and a reason for his/her call before transferring it directly to my boss, demanding that he can ONLY talk to my boss and my boss only and NO I can’t take a message and a return phone number

Once, I had a particularly pushy financial sales guy call back no less than four times, never leaving his name, never having a reason to speak to my boss other than some vaguely strung together industry jargon, always ending with “Well I’m about to hop onto a conference call myself so I won’t be able to call back until later; when is your boss available?” When it became absolutely apparent that I was the guard dog whom he would never pass without a legitimate story, he finally gave up and stopped calling.

I have also been berated by those from the media because the guy thinks I get my jollies by not putting calls through to my boss, even though he was from European magazine I’d never heard of (nor care about) and no matter how much he needs to speak to my boss directly, gets SO PISSED that he can’t get past me.

My “favorite” type of sales call happened recently and I am pasting it in its entirety:

Me: Good afternoon, [name of my company].

Sales Douche: Hey, how are you?

Me: Fine thanks, and you?

Sales Douche: Eh, I can’t complain; nobody listens, you know?

Me: Ha ha….yeah I know how that is. (Not really – who says that?)

Sales Douche: Is Nicholas* there? (Now, he’s called the MAIN number. You can’t just ask for any old random Nicholas. Be a bit more presumptuous by pretending you know him, would you? Jerkoff.)

Me: Nicholas who?

Sales Douche: Nicholas Jones.

Me: He’s out of the office until Wednesday.

Sales Douche: Until Wednesday, huh? What’d ya do with him? (Emphasis on “ya.” He’s from Jersey, obviously.)

Me: *Pause* What did I do with him? He’s out on business.

Sales Douche: Haha, okay. Well so Wednesday morning then?

Me: Late Wednesday morning should be fine.

Sales Douche: Great, and your name is?

Me: *Reluctantly* I’m Zoe.

Sales Douche: Great Zoe, thanks. (Do I get all warm and fuzzy because he’s thanking me personally for “helping” him? Hell no.)

Me: Uh huh, buh bye.

First of all, I can’t stand small talk. Like, I cannot abide it. But I despise being treated like I’m an insipid, vapid receptionist, someone who is nothing more than a warm body answering phones who has nothing better to do than banter with a cold calling sales dick, who is attempting to ingratiate himself to me by asking me how I’m doing and learning my name. It doesn’t work that way, Ace. I’m losing precious minutes of my life being on the phone with you!

I don’t care what you’re trying to sell or find out from my boss but I will do everything in my (albeit limited) power to keep you from speaking with him, since I know with every fiber of my phone-answering being that you have nothing he wants to buy or discuss.

I don’t have a proposed solution to this issue. I just hate conversing with dipshits on the phone. If there was any way that cold calling could not be so used car salesmany, that would definitely ease my pain when I am forced through my employer to answer phones. I know I’m getting paid to do it, but I just can’t fathom that it has to be this painful. The most I can do is bitch/rant about it for you dear readers, who may or may not be able to commiserate with me about it.

As of this writing, I just fielded a call for my boss, who said, “Hi Zoe…is [my boss] there?” I replied, “He’s in a meeting. Can I pass on a message?” Meanwhile, the faint sound of the call center is in the background.

“Uhh I’ll just ping him an email, because I’m all over the place today.”

First of all – ping? Really? Secondly, I love how he pretends that he’s doing something other than sitting on his ass in a call center for eight hours or more.

So I baldly ask, “Okay, that’s fine – and who are you?” I wasn’t polite about it.

“It’s Omar**,” he said, “I’ll just ping him an email.” I wish I had said, “You do that.” Instead I’ll just be over here holding my breath until our next slimy interaction.

*name changed

**name left intact

Posted in Humor, Occurrences | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments »